The moment the room goes quiet

There is always a moment in workshops when the room goes quiet. ​

Usually when we talk about guilt. 

• Guilt for not doing enough. ​

• Guilt for leaving on time. ​

• Guilt for needing a break. ​

• Guilt for feeling tired. ​

• Guilt for saying no. 

Almost every group recognises this moment. You can see it in people’s faces, heads nod, eyes drop and someone sighs. People in caring professions often carry very high expectations of themselves, much higher than anyone else expects of them. ​

Teachers, social workers, foster carers, health staff, therapists, support workers, voluntary sector staff, many entered the role because they care deeply. That caring nature is a strength, but without limits, it can also become a source of stress, pressure, and burnout. ​

In the workshops we often say: ​

Guilt is one of the biggest hidden causes of stress in caring professions. 

• Not workload alone. ​

• Not paperwork alone. ​

• Not management alone. ​

• BUT the internal voice that says ​

• I should do more ​

• I shouldn’t be tired ​

• I can’t let people down ​

• I’ll stay a bit longer ​

• I’ll just do one more thing 

Over time, that voice keeps people pushing long past the point where they need rest. ​

Why guilt shows up so often in caring roles ​

Research into burnout and compassion fatigue shows that people in helping professions often have: ​

• High empathy ​

• High responsibility ​

• Strong values ​

• Perfectionist tendencies ​

• Fear of letting others down ​

These are good qualities, but without self-care and boundaries, they can lead to emotional exhaustion. ​

This is why in the Self-Care Inevitable S.M.I.L.E framework ™, we talk about realistic expectations and sustainable caring, not perfect caring. ​

S.M.I.L.E reminds us that well-being at work is not selfish, it is essential. ​

When people hear this, the room often goes quiet again, because many realise they have been trying to work without limits for a long time. ​

Some tips and tools combat that guilt and burnout ​

We often recommend in workshops:​

The guilt check (2 minutes), try this quick reflection. 

Ask yourself: ​

Would I expect a colleague to work the way I expect myself to work? ​

Would I judge someone else for needing a break? ​

Would I tell a friend they should feel guilty for being tired? ​

If the answer is no, then the expectation you are holding for yourself may not be realistic. This links to S.M.I.L.E – Management and Inevitability ​

Learning to set limits and accept that you cannot do everything. ​

Small resets, done often, protect well-being. ​

A realistic expectation sentence ​

Repeat this sentence: ​

I care about my job, and I am allowed to have limits. ​

Doing my best does not mean doing everything. ​

Looking after myself helps me stay in the work longer. ​

Say it slowly. It may feel uncomfortable at first, that usually means it is needed. ​

The question...​

Do you think guilt plays a part in stress at work? ​

Make your Self-care Inevitable! ​