Why "I'm Fine" Isn't Always Fine​​

“How are you?” is one of the most common questions at work, and “I’m fine” is one of the most common answers. Often it is accurate, sometimes, however, it is a quick protective response that closes a conversation before it has really begun.​

An employee may not want to worry their manager, burden colleagues or appear unable to cope. They may be unsure whether the conversation will remain confidential or whether honesty will affect future opportunities. In busy teams, “I’m fine” may simply mean there is no time or privacy to explain.​

Creating a safer wellbeing conversation​

Managers should not assume hidden distress or push for personal information. Instead, they can make questions more specific and work-focused. “Which part of your workload is taking the most energy?” is often easier to answer than “Are you okay?” Asking “What support would make this week more manageable?” also signals that practical action is possible.​

The response matters as much as the question. If a manager becomes defensive, rushes to solve the problem or explains why nothing can change, the employee is less likely to speak honestly next time. Listening, summarising what has been heard and agreeing a realistic next step helps build psychological safety.​

Using SMILE to move beyond “fine”​

S - Stress and self-care encourages people to name changes in their body, mood, thinking and behaviour. ​

M - Management shifts the discussion towards workload, priorities, time and boundaries, areas where a manager may be able to help. ​

I- Inevitability normalises the fact that challenges and setbacks happen; needing a coping plan is responsible, not weak.​

L- Lucrative living asks whether the current definition of success includes balance, wellbeing and fulfilment, or only getting through the next deadline. ​

E- Energising practices turn the conversation into small action, such as a protected break, a short walk after a difficult meeting, peer contact or a clearer end to the working day.​

Leaders can also model honesty appropriately. Saying, “I have a demanding day, so I am protecting time between meetings,” shows that self-management is part of professional practice. It gives others permission to consider what they need without requiring leaders to overshare.​

“I’m fine” should not automatically trigger concern, but neither should it always end the conversation. A little more time, specificity and genuine curiosity can make an honest answer feel safer.​

Maybe try this today…​

• Ask one specific follow-up: “What has felt most demanding this week?”​

• Listen for two minutes without interrupting, fixing or comparing the person’s experience with your own.​

• End with one agreed action: clarify a priority, protect time, provide support or arrange another conversation.​

• When someone answers, pause before responding and ask, “What would be most helpful from me?”​

• Share one appropriate example of a boundary or recovery habit you use, so self-care is modelled rather than merely encouraged.​

Who has checked in with you recently, and really listened?​

Make your Self-care Inevitable!​